Posts Tagged ‘happy’

I’ve come to write on you again.

Man, it has been a really long time since my last update. I don’t know how this will go or how consistent I will be about it, or even if anyone will read it, but since I am up and thinking about it, I figured it is worth a shot.

So . . . to update my last update . . . the job situation got worked out. It was this whole mental scenario where the company I was working for was shutting down but our book of business was potentially going to be sold to another company which meant I would be transitioned over into a new gig at the new place IF the sale went through. Holy God, was that stressful. Every day I was left to wonder “Will this actually happen? Will I have a job tomorrow or will I be unemployed?” And honestly, it felt like it was changing every day. Plus, I had to interview for my own job again after about five years of doing it which was okay because the interviews went well, but nerve-wracking because I found myself worrying about whether or not people liked me.  But the sale happened and I transferred over and so far, it has actually been pretty good. I make more money and I actually have a support team to help me as opposed to being the only one left in my department because they’ve laid off everyone else. So yay me and yay new job like a year and a half later!

In terms of traveling, Boy and I went to Paris a year ago today (I told you I was behind!). I had never been to Europe before, so it was kind of daunting the first couple days, but then we got in the groove and things were good. I saw many beautiful things and Boy and I got to have the honeymoon we always dreamed we would have but couldn’t afford/didn’t have time for when we actually got married four years ago. While in Paris, we also had the big discussion that many married couples have – is it time for kids? We were renting an apartment in this district of Paris right by a school and every day, we would end up trotting through this entire group of adorable Parisian children wearing peacoats and eating croissants and it was like uterine catnip, I have got to say. So we decided we were ready and some months later, this happened . . .

Yep! That’s my baby! We have a couple of names picked out, but so far, we have been calling him “Ripley” after the Alien movies because we are classy like that.
(And if you are wondering if I wore my Alien ultrasound shirt to my ultrasound? Yes. Yes, I did.)

To answer the most basic questions for you:
1) I am due in January.
2) It is a boy.

The pregnancy so far has had its ups and downs. The first trimester was hard on me as I was pretty sick and felt kind of socially isolated because I couldn’t leave the house much for fear of vomiting/falling asleep in a public place. Also, while most people were thrilled for us and incredibly supportive of our new addition, some were kind of  . . . not . . . which sucked a little bit. However, this second trimester, I have been feeling a lot stronger and healthier and just generally better, so I’ve been able to enjoy myself and feel more like a normal person again. A normal person who has a smaller person inside them who kicks them and insists on 5AM pee breaks, but a normal person nonetheless.

Anyway, I have more things to say about the pregnancy stuff later, but as of right now, I have to toddle back to bed for a bit so Ripley and I can be well-rested to meet his new cousin Nora today. Yes, my lovely in-laws and adorable niece Abby have a new addition to their family who arrived about a month ago, so the cousins will be about five months apart which I think is pretty cool since my closest cousin in age is 10 years younger than me.

So, yes, hope this blog post finds my readers well – however many of you there are after almost a year and a half’s absence – and I will hopefully check in again soon.


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It doesn’t seem very long ago that I wrote my last post, but when I checked the date on it, I saw it had been over a month. A lot has happened in that time.

1) There was a major shakeup at my job. I am still in the process of dealing with it, but at this point, suffice it to say that I think things are about to change, hopefully in a good way, rather than bad. I have experienced so much upheaval workwise the past couple of years, I just want to be in a place in my life where I have a job to go to that I enjoy but that I can leave behind at the end of the day. My life is more than work and I want to be able to focus on that more than the stuff that happens during my 9-5 day.

2) I went to New York and met three of my blogging friends. I spent an entire day shopping and eating with my good friend Nie Nie from Chateau de Lau and I had a lovely brunch with my friend Jenny from Geek in Heels and my friend Ms. Zhu from The Zhukeepers. I “met” all of them when I was still technically single and it was funny, four years later, to meet them in actual physical person. We are all married now and two of the ladies have children which was kind of mind-blowing to see (Mr. Sam – you are selling me more on the idea of having a little boy!), but more than that, it was so fantastic to actually be able to actually talk to these ladies who had been a huge support to me from afar for so long.

3) Almost as soon as I got back from New York, we moved. It had been a long time coming, as we had put in an application on our new place at the end of February. Leaving our old place was weird because so much had happened there. We moved in just after we got engaged and it was our first martial home, so I had that attachment to it, but . . . it had problems. Our neighbours were loons, it was rapidly getting too small for us and the rent . . . the rent was ridiculously high for what we were getting for it. It just wasn’t working for us any more, so I started looking and found a place that was not only bigger, but significantly cheaper. The idea that we could have more space to sprawl out and pay $300 less a month was too good to pass up so we took it and even though it’s only been a month, we’re both really loving the new space. Boy has his own art studio, I have plenty of space for my books and DVDs and we’re right in the heart of a cute little neighbourhood that we love. Perfect!

4) The day we moved was also the day Boy celebrated his 28th birthday (damn whippersnapper!) Since we had to move (which we were lucky enough to be able to do thanks to the help of many of our awesome friends), he got a little bit shafted during the day, but our awesome friends Bella and Baax trucked out from the East End late on a Sunday night to help us down a glass to celebrate. They also convinced the two of us to sing karaoke, so after they belted out “Where Does My Heart Beat Now?” by Celine Dion and “Mama Said Knock You Out” by LL Cool J respectively, Boy and I both grabbed the mic for a song each. Our choices? “The Philosopher’s Drinking Song” by Monty Python and “Number One” by Goldfrapp. I will leave you to picture who sang what. 😉

5) Also, celebrating a birthday this month was my niece little Miss Abigail who turned one! We attended her birthday last weekend and she was adorable as always. Sometimes, I can’t believe how much she’s grown over a year! I can still remember seeing her the first day she came home from the hospital! If at all possible, I love her even more now than I did then.

It’s strange. I think about my life last year compared to how it is now and so many things are different. There are so many people in my life now that I either didn’t know or wasn’t as close to, and it’s kind of amazing to see my world expand like that after a long period of contraction and loss. Not only is this fruitful period of my life really great, but I think I am finally letting myself relax and enjoy it. I can get really pessimistic sometimes to the point where I feel overwhelmed by the sad stuff, but lately, I’ve been doing my best to just chill out and embrace the change and I’ve really been having a good time.

So that’s where things stand right now. Life is in transition for me, but it’s the positive kind and that’s awesome.

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By MIA, I mean "Missing In Action," not MIA the music star. However, if I could be brave enough to dress like that when I get knocked up, that would be kind of cool.

Wow, I didn’t even realize until now that it had been as long as it’s been. Granted, I am not particularly surprised. With the way things work with my job, the later half of the summer always gets eaten up by work craziness . . . plus, this year our summer was incredibly busy and I kind of have this rule that if it comes down to writing about my life or going out and living my life, living always wins.

So yeah, I guess this calls for a cliff notes kind of update:

Boy’s job stuff:

Boy got a new job! And it’s only an hour or so away from our place! This is the most awesome thing by far. He’d been unemployed since April and with summer almost over, it was making us both a little anxious about what we would do in the months ahead. However, the third week of August, he got a call about an application, went in for an interview and bam! New job! It was funny, we went out for dinner a while ago with some friends of ours who had gone through a similar situation and they said to us “Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it will ever get better and then suddenly it does and you don’t know what the problem was,” and it was definitely like that for us. Not having to worry about money or the possibility of living apart was such a relief.

My job stuff:

I interviewed for a pretty awesome gig a few months ago and according to an inside line, I was in a shoo-in for the job. That is until the department I interviewed with was downsized and the position eliminated. This was a major bummer since I REALLY wanted that job, but I reasoned that at least they didn’t hire me and then downsize the position. Anyway, I was holding on in my job and feeling frustrated when someone in my department announced they were quitting. At this point, my department was already understaffed so I felt anxious, but this person’s departure left a spot open for me to slip in and gain some managerial control . . . which is what happened as of September 1st when I became head of my department. So yeah, I am still here slugging away, but this time it’s with a pay raise and some actual say as to how my job works. Granted, it hasn’t been that long yet, but I’m feeling much happier about what is happening now that I am not reliant on other people. I still have goals and plans for the future, but this is at least a good step forward.

Family stuff:

The last time I updated, things were a little rough on this front, but they’ve gotten better. I’ve written a lot about the problems I’ve had with my parents, but I wanted to definitely take a moment to say that as hard as things have been with them sometimes, they do actually care about me and they are supportive when I really need them to be. With all my job frustrations, they sat down and told me if things at work got too bad, they would jump in and be willing to help me out for a few months if I really needed to quit and look for something else. Although I would never take them up on something like that unless I was in a completely dire situation, it allowed me to feel like I had a little breathing room in a very stressful situation which I really, really needed. Anyway, we’ve had a couple of lunches over the past month or so (one for my mom’s birthday and one for mine) and we’ve talked and things have felt right again, which puts my heart at ease.

Friend Stuff:

We had some people distance themselves from us when we were going through these hard times. I even had one person say to me when I was explaining our situation (at this point we were still thinking Ben might have to move) “That’s depressing. I don’t want to talk about that.” While I know that these people didn’t mean to be mean, it still really sucked. Just going through something stressful like that already makes you feel like you’re alone and having people you consider to be your friends bail on you just heightens that feeling of isolation. So, to those of you who haven’t been through this with friends, here is my advice to you: It’s not all about having to say the right thing. Sometimes it’s about admitting you have no f*cking clue what to say and just checking in once in a while. Drop a line via e-mail. Swing by with some beer. Invite them over for dinner. We had some people do these incredibly simple things for us and they made a world of difference and made us that much more aware how kick ass some of our friends truly are. Thanks guys!

Miscellaneous Fun Stuff:

I was just updating my summer vacation photo album on Facebook and I realized that I have actually done a lot of stuff including:
1. Going to see Band of Horses, Broken Social Scene and Pavement live on Toronto Island. We thought it was going to rain but we had great weather for this. Unfortunately, maybe a little too great since I got pretty burned. Whoops!
2. Meeting one of my blog friends in person. Looking back on it now, it feels like a lifetime ago I was bloggin’ for the ‘Bee, but I am grateful I did it since it introduced me to a bunch of awesome people.
3. Going to see Patton Oswalt live at Just for Laughs. He was just as good as I was hoping he’d be.
4. Going to my art class’ art show. Boy helped set it up and had two pieces in it. As for me, I didn’t submit this time, but maybe next year if I am feeling braver.
5. Visiting my niece Abbey and her awesome parents. Seriously, a huge part of this summer would have been unbearable without these three people.
6.  Visiting with my Godmother who came in from Montreal. She is one of the nicest people ever but anytime I see her, it’s kind of funny because she is incredibly short and I am almost two feet taller than her.
7. Throwing a “dramatic reenactment” party with a bunch of my friends. Some people bailed last minute, but the people who did come were awesome reenactors.
8. Going to see Arcade Fire live. One of the best, if not the best, concert I have ever seen.
9. Hosting some lovely friends of ours and their three kids for a swim and dinner the August long weekend. Their kids are awesome and our friends are such good parents, it was a really nice afternoon.
10. Going to Boy’s extended family reunion. We didn’t know half the people, but we got to drink and hang out with Boy’s immediate family, so that was cool.
11. Celebrating my mom’s 59 birthday and my 28th birthday. I have a distinct feeling that 28 is going to be my year.
12.  Throwing an art show opening for Boy. He was a little bummed about the turnout, but people really liked his stuff and he sold some prints which is good.
13. Attending the 10th wedding anniversary party of two of our good friends. This might have possibly inspired us to throw an anniversary party next year, but we have to wait and see how that plays out.
14. Enjoying a fondue party with friends new and old. Melted cheese and groovy ’70s rock make everything all right.
15. Going to Fort York for the first time ever. Way to go History!

Not all of those things are in sequence and I am sure there is other stuff I am missing, but those are the biggies and they kind of help explain why I’ve been AWOL.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. I’m hoping once the craziness at work subsides, I’ll be able to blog more. To that end, I’ve even been in touch with a couple of people about guest blogging to kick my butt into gear, so I’ll update when that happens. But, in the meantime, here is a picture of my adorable niece. There is pretty much nothing cuter than this little bean.

Hope this blog post finds you all well and that you had an excellent summer!



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Now that Smee has arrived, I have to call her by her actual name.


I have to admit, it’s a tiny bit weird.

I have never told this story on the blog before**, but we found out about Abbey on October 24, the day after my cousin Tassy passed away. As people who read the blog know, that was a pretty hard time for me.  Even though we knew it was coming, it still felt awful, like someone had emotionally dropkicked me, and I cried a lot.

That night, my Brother-in-Law Nick called me to check in. We had plans to go to Ancaster to have Redo Thanksgiving with him, Erin and my mother-in-law the next day and he wanted to see if I was still okay to come. I told him yes and I’m glad I did because little did I know that there was an extra person waiting there for me.

So I ended up crying again. Of course this time, it was for a different reason.

There are times in life where everything seems wrong and like the world is shrinking and closing in on you. But sometimes, if you can ride it out, everything can open back up again in the best, most amazing way possible.

That first day meant a lot to me. It hurt to lose someone I loved, but knowing there was someone new on the way was pretty amazing and made me feel a little lighter inside. And every step along the way – seeing the ultrasound pictures, feeling her move inside my sister-in-law like some sort of weird internal tidal wave, buying tiny little dresses for her to wear – just made that feeling stronger. So, by the time Abbey finally got here, I felt just about ready to burst with happiness. After all, how often do you get to meet someone for the first time that you know you’re going to love for the rest of your life?

So, Abbey, today I share a song I listened to on the train home after holding you for the first time, and I make these promises to you:

1. I promise to take you to High Park to see the cherry blossoms and feed the ducks.
2. I promise to put on rainboots to catch frogs with you in Grandpa David’s backyard and not care how muddy we get***.
3. I promise to help you learn the words to all the ridiculous tv theme songs I know, including the Sonic the Hedgehog one that used to make my friend Snuffy shoot soda out his nose when I sang it.
4. I promise to teach you how to make the perfect mix CD.
5. I promise to bring you to World’s Biggest Bookstore and spent hours pouring over picture books with you. And, it goes without saying, I will buy you some too.
6. I promise to bake my famous peanut butter chocolate cookies with you.
7. I promise to craft with you and to show you how to do the cool marble paintings my Aunt Jan taught me how to make when I was little.
8. I promise to watch Pixar movies with you and hug you during the scary parts.
9. I promise to buy you ice cream the first time a boy breaks your heart and to tell you about my horrible dating adventures. Of which there are A LOT.
10. I promise to always be there when you need me, whether it means picking up the phone or hopping on a train to come out to see you.

I met you less than a day ago Abbey, but I miss you already. Love you muchly and can’t wait to see you in three weeks!

Hugs and kisses to infinity,

*I know this isn’t the way her parents will spell Abbey, but the first night we found out about our niece, we all ended up playing Beatles Rock Band and I sang “Here Comes The Sun,” so in my head, she will always be Abbey with an e. 🙂
** Turns out I had told this story before but I forgot. The baby delirium is affecting my brain.
***Note to in-laws: I preemptively take responsibility for the muddiness and will take care of the subsequent bath/laundry.

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Okay, so this band doesn’t actually exist anymore but this song is one of my favourites. I can’t remember exactly when I first came across it, but I believe it was sometime during my third year of college when I was going through some major emotional stuff. You know, adjusting to the idea of being an adult, reveling in my independence, and of course, being genuinely smitten with a dude (who seemed to be smitten back!*) for the first time kind of stuff. Thinking back to it now makes me want to smile and shudder at how ridiculously earnest I was.

Anyway, it’s Friday and it’s beautiful out, so I figured it was a good day to post a sweet song like this. Take a listen and think back to your first love while you do.

*Believe me, this was a red letter experience for me since, but until that point, I had a tendency to secretly fall for people who didn’t know that I existed. I was cripplingly shy as a teenager and it took a while for me to come out of my shell.

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I have Internet friends. If you had told me this would be the case a few years ago, I would have just rolled my eyes at you and been like “Internet friends? How lame is that?” But it’s actually not lame and the ladies that I’ve become friends with are awesome.

I am lucky enough to have a tonne of amazing internet pals, too many to even list here, but today I just wanted to write a little something about my friend Jenny.

It all started a few years ago in 2007 when Boy asked me to marry him. I started blogging because I didn’t really know how to deal with all the girly crap that came with planning a wedding. I am pretty much a geek and most of my friends are guys so I was waaay out of my league when it came to pulling things together for the big day. So, mostly the blog I wrote was to get help and to vent to sympathetic parties. 😛

Jenny was one of the very first people I met during that process. She and I were both blogging on Xanga at the time and she was a bit of a nerd like me, so it was nice to talk to someone with a similar attitude. Soon after, we were both accepted to be bloggers at Weddingbee where we wrote about our wedding experiences together. I’ve gotten to know her pretty well over the last two and a half years and she’s an absolute sweetheart. She’s funny and smart and nerdy and I genuinely appreciate that with everything that’s been going on in her life these past couple of years, she always makes an effort to stay in touch.

Anyway, sometime in December, she e-mailed me for my address which I happily supplied. I figured that it was for a Christmas card or something, but yesterday, a gigantic parcel arrived at my apartment and it was from her!

She bought me Nintendo Monopoly! I can’t tell you how stunned and touched I am by this. It seriously blows my mind that someone I have never even met would take the time (not to mention the expense!) to get something like this for me.

So to Jenny, I just wanted to say thank you for your generosity and thoughtfulness, but most importantly, thank you for your friendship these past few years. I think you’re an awesome person and I am proud to know you*. I can only hope that someday we’ll meet in real life so I can give you a big hug!

Do any of you have internet friends? How did you meet them? Have you met in person yet?

*And now that you’ve thrown down the gauntlet, I seriously have to step up my nerdy present buying game!

P.S. For those of you who don’t know Jenny has an awesome blog that you can read right here.

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When I was much younger, I used to love drama. I thought it made things fun and interesting. I mean who was interested in contentment? That sounded downright dull! I wanted the excitement and adventure that came with emotional uncertainty!

A prime example of this was my two year emotional rollercoaster of a whatever with The Mumbler. Looking back, the thing we had was all about road blocks that, instead of seeing as drama-plague warning signs, I chose to see as sexy obstacles. First, he had a girlfriend and it was all about the longing. Then, when they broke up and we got together, and it became all about the suppression since I couldn’t actually say how I felt for fear of scaring his commitment-phobic ass away. The whole way through, I kept pushing forward and convincing myself that angst was par for the course. After all, after waiting so long, I didn’t want to give up on things prematurely, did I?

Soulmates, schmolemates: If your relationship is plagued with problems and guilt like Joey and Dawson's, run screaming in the other direction.

What I ended up learning is there is a difference between giving up and realizing something is just plain bad for you. And staying in a relationship where I felt insecure and afraid to be honest was bad for me. It wasn’t who I was or who I wanted to be, so I stopped investing my time, energy and emotions in it, cut ties and moved forward into a happier and healthier life.

I’ve tried to keep this in mind as much as possible going forward in my adult life and it’s made things a lot simpler. Don’t want to deal with drama? Don’t invite it into your life in the form of dysfunctional relationships.

I thought of this all yesterday because I saw The Mumbler on the subway. It was one of those awkward things where I thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye and then when I actually looked to check if it was him, he was looking straight at me. Neither one of us said anything or made a move towards the other. We just held each other’s gaze for a moment and then, when the train pulled into my stop, I got off and left him behind.

As I walked forward towards my home and my family, I felt happy. It was a nice reminder that I am not that person anymore.

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