June is a weird month for me because it holds two landmark days of mine.
On June 1, 2002, I had the accident which left me an amputee.
On June 28, 2004, I met Boy for the first time.
These were the worst and best things that have ever happened to me respectively, but in a strange way, I learned similar lessons from them.
Both experiences taught me a lot about patience and persistence. I was always looking to blaze through my life, to move onto the next thing, and then suddenly, I couldn’t, either because of physical or emotional roadblocks.
The physical roadblocks required lots and lots of rehabilitation training. “Want to regain dexterity in your left hand? Squeeze these forceps together 200 times. Want to decrease the sensitivity in your now raw and exposed nerve endings? Knead this bag of sand for an hour. Do all sorts of these things every day for months on end and maybe you’ll be able to function again.” Every task I had to do was ridiculously simple from the outside, but the fact that I could not rush through them to complete them (and that they were no longer easy for me) immediately gave me pause.
As for the emotional roadblocks, those required a little more work and were a lot less straightforward to get around. Pretty much all of my relationships up until Boy and I got together were awful. I had boyfriends who drank, boyfriends who cheated, boyfriends who thought the best way to win an argument was through force – some real winners. By the time I got to Boy, I was exhausted and unsatisfied and I didn’t want to deal with crap anymore, so I put the guy through his paces. And you know what? At the end of the day, he was still standing there in front of me, still wanting to hold my hand (even the gimpy one).
Relationships, like physical rehabilitation, aren’t easy. There are times that both’ll make you feel tired and frustrated and there are times that you’ll cry. But with time and experience, you’ll learn. You’ll get stronger and wiser and better. You won’t be better than you were before exactly – what you were before is long gone – but you’ll be better in a way you can appreciate, because this time, you’ll know you’ve earned it.
So thanks for the multiple ass-kickings, June. This one’s for you.