Now that Smee has arrived, I have to call her by her actual name.
I have to admit, it’s a tiny bit weird.
I have never told this story on the blog before**, but we found out about Abbey on October 24, the day after my cousin Tassy passed away. As people who read the blog know, that was a pretty hard time for me. Even though we knew it was coming, it still felt awful, like someone had emotionally dropkicked me, and I cried a lot.
That night, my Brother-in-Law Nick called me to check in. We had plans to go to Ancaster to have Redo Thanksgiving with him, Erin and my mother-in-law the next day and he wanted to see if I was still okay to come. I told him yes and I’m glad I did because little did I know that there was an extra person waiting there for me.
So I ended up crying again. Of course this time, it was for a different reason.
There are times in life where everything seems wrong and like the world is shrinking and closing in on you. But sometimes, if you can ride it out, everything can open back up again in the best, most amazing way possible.
That first day meant a lot to me. It hurt to lose someone I loved, but knowing there was someone new on the way was pretty amazing and made me feel a little lighter inside. And every step along the way – seeing the ultrasound pictures, feeling her move inside my sister-in-law like some sort of weird internal tidal wave, buying tiny little dresses for her to wear – just made that feeling stronger. So, by the time Abbey finally got here, I felt just about ready to burst with happiness. After all, how often do you get to meet someone for the first time that you know you’re going to love for the rest of your life?
So, Abbey, today I share a song I listened to on the train home after holding you for the first time, and I make these promises to you:
1. I promise to take you to High Park to see the cherry blossoms and feed the ducks.
2. I promise to put on rainboots to catch frogs with you in Grandpa David’s backyard and not care how muddy we get***.
3. I promise to help you learn the words to all the ridiculous tv theme songs I know, including the Sonic the Hedgehog one that used to make my friend Snuffy shoot soda out his nose when I sang it.
4. I promise to teach you how to make the perfect mix CD.
5. I promise to bring you to World’s Biggest Bookstore and spent hours pouring over picture books with you. And, it goes without saying, I will buy you some too.
6. I promise to bake my famous peanut butter chocolate cookies with you.
7. I promise to craft with you and to show you how to do the cool marble paintings my Aunt Jan taught me how to make when I was little.
8. I promise to watch Pixar movies with you and hug you during the scary parts.
9. I promise to buy you ice cream the first time a boy breaks your heart and to tell you about my horrible dating adventures. Of which there are A LOT.
10. I promise to always be there when you need me, whether it means picking up the phone or hopping on a train to come out to see you.
I met you less than a day ago Abbey, but I miss you already. Love you muchly and can’t wait to see you in three weeks!
Hugs and kisses to infinity,
*I know this isn’t the way her parents will spell Abbey, but the first night we found out about our niece, we all ended up playing Beatles Rock Band and I sang “Here Comes The Sun,” so in my head, she will always be Abbey with an e. 🙂
** Turns out I had told this story before but I forgot. The baby delirium is affecting my brain.
***Note to in-laws: I preemptively take responsibility for the muddiness and will take care of the subsequent bath/laundry.