According to family legend, I was thisclose to growing up in Hollywood.
I know. I am surprised and disappointed by this too.
When my Grandmother was a girl, she was pursued by a boy named Sydney. Apparently, Sydney only had eyes for her and would follow her around like a dog the way only the truly smitten can.
While their chaste courtship was initially exciting, it soon became annoying and after a while, whenever my Grandmother would hear Sydney’s big flappy feet (her words, not mine) coming up behind her, she would quicken her pace and leave poor Sydney in the dust.
And who was the Sydney in question?
His name was Sydney Guilaroff and he went on to become a premiere stylist at MGM from 1934 to the late 1970s. He was rumoured to have given Lucille Ball her red hair, Claudette Colbert her signature bangs and Judy Garland her Dorothy pigtails. He also did Grace Kelly’s hair when she married the Prince of Monaco. Basically, he spent his days surrounded by beautiful women such as Ava Gardner who he is pictured with above.
He also, as it turns out, was a close personal friend and stylist to Debbie Reynolds and spent much time over at her house. And who is related to Debbie Reynolds?
CARRIE FREAKING FISHER A.K.A. PRINCESS LEIA!
So yeah, if my Grandmother had just sucked it up and married the dude with the big feet*, I could have grown up hanging out with Princess Leia! Instead, she stayed in Quebec and married my dickbag of a grandfather**.
I was this close to Star Wars Royalty people! THISCLOSE***!
*And seriously Grandma, you know what they say about big feet. 😉
** I am actually not being unjustifiably mean against my grandfather here. Dude was a drunk and a wife and child abuser who tried to convince my grandmother to have a back-alley abortion when she became pregnant with my mother at age 44. My mother said when he died just before the winter holidays in the late 1960s, it was a huge relief and lead to her and my grandmother having one of the best Christmases ever. See? Sucky dude.
*** It has also been pointed out to me that Sydney might have been gay since he never married and made history by being the first bachelor in the United States to adopt a child. While I think it is better for gay people to be openly gay, it was a very different time, and really, to all the straight women out there, I ask you this: Would you rather be married to a sweet but closeted man who treated you right or a straight alcoholic dude who beat you?