Boy and I are two very different people and the time that this is most evident is when one of us is having a bad day.
When I am having a bad day, the thing I want most is for someone to give me a big hug and comfort me. I can usually figure out my own problems myself but it takes a little bit of love and understanding from someone else to calm me down enough to solve them.
When Boy is having a bad day, the thing he wants most is to tear in there right away and fix it. He is all about spitballing ideas and coming to a resolution as quickly as possible so he can move on with his day.
Even though we’ve been together as long as we have, whenever our bad days hit and we try to help one another using our preferred method, there is usually a bit of bristling at the other person’s preferred method.
When I am having a bad day, I sometimes end up getting irritated with Boy because instead of showering me with hugs and kisses and words of sympathy, he will often stand off to the side and offer me fixes, which makes me feel like he doesn’t understand me.
When Boy is having a bad day, he sometimes ends up getting irritated with me because instead of offering practical solutions, I will often go to hug him and tell him things will be okay, which makes him feel like I am coddling him.
I used to think that it was because we grew up in very different family situations, but the more time that passes, the more I wonder if my reaction might just be one of those intrinsic female things.
Now don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of annoying stereotype/cliche things that people like to associate with being a girl that bug the crap out of me.
Our periods make us crazy.
We like to do nothing but shop.
We’re all insane over babies.
Sexual experience makes us sluts.
That stuff all sucks, but with the bad comes the good. It is a heckuva lot easier to be an emotional being as a woman. As a sex, we’re generally more encouraging of talking things out and shedding a few tears when needed. Therefore, we can live life with our feelings closer to the surface than men.
In any decision I have ever made, I have always weighed my emotions first and addressed the practicality of the situation second. As much as I appreciate logic in theory, my emotions are my go-to. So, when it comes down to it, if something doesn’t feel right to me, it gets shut down right then and there. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
Even though we drive each other crazy sometimes, I’m kind of thankful that we have different problem solving tactics. If Boy reacted as emotionally as I do, we’d probably never get anything done, and if I reacted as practically as he does, we’d probably sweep too much under the rug. Plus, I think it bodes well for the future and having a family – whatever kid we end up having can come to me for cookies and comforting and can go to dad when it’s time to kick some ass and take some names!
Do you and your partner have different problem solving tactics? Which one of you is the fixer and which one is the comforter?