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Archive for November, 2009

Today has been a crazy day of downtown gallivanting, present-buying, spaghetti-eating, zombie-killing goodness so I am too tired to post much of anything . . . except this because it is too awesome to ignore. I always thought behind his book-loving,¬† Emmy-winning, space-adventuring facade, LeVar Burton was secretly gangsta. ūüėČ

(My apologies if you’re offended by the language, but sometimes, when something is seriously amazing, an f-bomb or two needs to be dropped.)

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As part of my job, I edit flats of academic texts. We are supplied photocopies of our texts which we then scan so we can correct printing margins etc. Today, I was working on a book about Issues in Culture Sensitivity which featured a picture of a small white child dressed as an angel and a small black child as a devil. However, by the time I got it, the image was so degenerated, that it sort of looked like . . .

Shirley Temple and Mini Batman!

It is kind of horrible and fascinating at the same time because, while I feel the greyscale on the scanner is seriously¬†messed up, Shirley Temple & Batman wouldn’t be a bad team. He could swoop¬†around and¬†distract¬†bad guys¬†and she could beat them up¬†with an oversized lollipop.

It would be awesome.

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This morning, I came across an article on Wired entitled Top 10 Bad Messages From Good Movies which cracked me up. It also got me to thinking about a bunch of movies/stories I’d seen that also fit the bill, so I thought it would be fun to add on to the list. So without further ado, The Girl’s Top 10 (+ 1!)¬†Bad Movie Messages.

1. It‚Äôs better to go for the hunky jerk who heartlessly dumped you than your friend who has always loved you and stood by you (Pretty in Pink). I have discussed my hatred of this movie before, so I’m not going to get into it again. Suffice it to say, Blaine can bite me!

2. When you like a guy, it’s cool to completely change yourself to be the object of his desire but he totally doesn’t need to do anything himself (Grease, She’s All That, The Entire Genre of Makeover Movies). I’ve railed on about Grease before as well and it still annoys me. I¬†still don’t think the idea of promoting radical personal change as a way to succeed at relationships is right, but it annoys me even more when one party is expected to do it over another*.

3. If you practice hard enough, you will succeed at anything you try (Any Sports/Dance Movie Ever). Pretty much anytime a movie character wants to do something, all it requires is a little heart and practice and before you know it, they’re the best person in their sport/field! I’m not saying that this is a horrible message because it really isn’t, but it’s unrealistic and¬†sometimes, people have to realize their limitations. You like basketball but you’re 5 feet tall? Chances are, as much as you practice, you won’t make it into the NBA. You shouldn’t give up because you’ll probably end¬†up being good and having a lot of fun playing, but hanging all your hopes on it as a career path¬†could be really¬†disappointing¬†**.

4. You can be kind of a shmuck to your wife and children, but if you do enough random¬†stuff for people, they will help bail you out of your problems (It‚Äôs A Wonderful Life). – Maybe it’s just me, but I really didn’t like George Bailey. He was¬†mean to his wife and he screamed at his kids so I didn’t really get what people thought was so awesome about him. Just because you’re all “Aw gee whiz!” – y doesn’t mean you’re not still a bitch. Also, while we’re at it, what kind of town was Bedford Falls if the absence of one person changed it from a cute little community to a rundown ghetto filled with booze and whores? If you ask me, there had¬†to¬†be¬†a seedy underbelly there just under the surface if changing it was so easy.

5. You can be a pedophile, thief and a general wank and still be seen as a hero, as long as your friends are worse than you are (Trainspotting). Ah Renton. You might have had us all rooting for you, but looking back that’s only really because your friends are a con-artist, a psychopath and a weenie.

6. You can be a total bitch to a dude who likes you and he will still go out of his way to save you from kidnappers and evil princes (The Princess Bride). As much as I like this movie, could someone please explain to me why Princess Buttercup was the apple¬† of everyone’s eye? I know she was pretty and everything, but ordering Wesley around like that just seemed like a total power trip thing.

7. Insanity is just a form of quirky charm (Harvey, Rainman,¬†One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, etc.). It seems like there is an inordinant number of movies¬†trying to convince us that insanity is just an illusion and the crazy people are really more sane than the rest of us normal folk. This is not true. Sometimes crazy is crazy.

8. Being a genius absolves you of emotional responsibility (Good Will Hunting, Rushmore). It’s totally okay to¬†crap all over the people who love you and care about you if you’re smart. After all,¬†if everyone else is to stupid to defend themselves against your abrasive¬†intellegence, that’s their problem.

9. Sleeping with hundreds of women you don‚Äôt care about is a perfectly acceptable and romantic reaction to being rejected once by a girl (Love in the Time of Cholera). I really hate how a lot of movies like to romanticize the fact that the lead is a total manwhore by giving him the oh-so-sad backstory of being rejected by someone he loved.¬†Your machismo is lame, dude. Grow a thicker skin, suck it up and move forward. You can still be happy without boning everything in your path (plus you’re a lot less likely to get chlamydia . . . which is good because that $h!t is everywhere.)

10. You can steal a car and lie to a bunch of people, but as long as you‚Äôre charismatic while you‚Äôre doing it, it‚Äôs totally cool (Ferris Bueller‚Äôs Day Off). This is a major sign that I am getting older but Ferris Bueller is kind of annoying and a bit of a bully. Now when I watch, I can’t help but feel sorry for Cameron who spends the entire movie for getting hassled by Ferris and then ends up taking the blame for the busted car. That’s got to suck.

And the very special +1 . . .

11. Being deceitful, hateful, disrespectful and abandoning your children are desirable and sexy¬†traits (Gone With The Wind).¬†There aren’t many other characters that¬†rankles me as much as Scarlett O’Hara. First,¬†she tries to steal a woman’s husband away, then when that doesn’t work she tricks some other poor guy into marrying her to make him jealous. Then when her new husband dies, she gets upset, not because she misses him or is scared about raising a child alone, but because she can’t go to any parties! Later on, she ignores her child, tries to steal the same woman’s husband again, steals a man who is involved with her sister and marries him, kills a dude, and then, when she marries another dude (after husband #2 kicks it) who actually likes her in spite of all of her craziness, she’s mean to him too!¬†This is a¬†heroine?! Really?!

Feel free to add any of your bad movie messages in the comments.

* However sometimes the makeover concept does provide some good laughs as seen on Clone High. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Makeover!”

**For my money, the episode of Freaks and Geeks where Nick auditions to be in Dimension is probably the best example of loving something and failing at it.

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When I was much younger, I used to love drama. I thought it made things fun and interesting. I mean who was interested in contentment? That sounded downright dull! I wanted the excitement and adventure that came with emotional uncertainty!

A prime example of this was my two year emotional rollercoaster of a whatever with The Mumbler. Looking back, the¬†thing we had¬†was all about road blocks that, instead of seeing as drama-plague warning signs, I chose to see as sexy obstacles. First, he had a girlfriend and it was all about the longing. Then, when they broke up and we got together, and it became all about the suppression since I couldn’t actually say how I felt for fear of scaring his commitment-phobic ass away. The whole way through, I kept pushing forward and convincing myself that angst was par for the course. After all, after waiting so long, I didn’t want to give up on things prematurely, did I?

Soulmates, schmolemates: If your relationship is plagued with problems and guilt like Joey and Dawson's, run screaming in the other direction.

What I ended up learning is there is a difference between giving up and realizing something is just plain bad for you. And staying in a relationship where I felt insecure and afraid to be honest was bad for me. It wasn’t who I was or who I wanted to be, so I stopped investing my time, energy and emotions in it, cut ties and moved forward into a happier and healthier life.

I’ve tried to keep this in mind as much as possible going forward in my adult life and it’s made things a lot simpler. Don’t want to deal with drama? Don’t invite it into your life in the form of dysfunctional relationships.

I thought of this all yesterday because I saw The Mumbler on the subway. It was one of those awkward things where I thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye and then when I actually looked to check if it was him, he was looking straight at me. Neither one of us said anything or made a move towards the other. We just held each other’s gaze for a moment and then, when the train pulled into my stop, I got off and left him behind.

As I walked forward towards my home and my family, I felt happy. It was a nice reminder that I am not that person anymore.

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Prenatal Nerdery

I just sent this image to my Brother-in-Law . . . This is either going to be the nerdiest or scariest child EVER.


So far Smee doesn’t look much like anything in his/her ultrasound pics (except for a pirate ghost, maybe?), but it makes me think a little bit about what the far future Park baby might look like. With our chubby baby pasts, I’d put my money on Jabba the Hut.

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I know this is old, but I was just thinking about it this morning, so I thought I would post it . . . “Cool Guys Don’t Look At Explosions” by The Lonely Island featuring Will Ferrell and J.J. Abrams.

Mark Wahlberg is wearing a hat!

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You know how dance movies these days are always trying to show how tough the world of dance is? Well it seems like this movie has taken it to the next level of EXTREME*. Apparently, in the world of Boogie Town, there is a war about to begin and it can only be stopped by BATTLE DANCING! But the dudes who battle dance do it in such EXTREME way that they can actually be arrested for it. Yes, you read that right.

ARRESTED FOR DANCING.

I haven’t seen it so I¬†can’t¬†say too much¬†about the¬†plot, but from what I can tell, it’s like someone took Romeo and Juliet, Matrix, Dune and a Missy Elliott video and¬†mashed them all into one horrible mess of a movie.

It’s got LOVE!

It’s got¬†HATE!

It’s got RIVALRY!

It’s got BOOTY SHAKING,¬†LIGHT UP SUNGLASSES AND STUPID HAIR CUTS!

IT’S BOOGIE TOWN!

*Anytime I hear anyone use the word “extreme” these days, I always think of the episode of Clone High where there was that creepy marketing team trying to market Extreme Blue to the clones. “Just sign this legit-ass contract! And totally initial article seven!¬†My son won’t even look me in the eye anymore!”

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