The other day, as I was tooling around (hehehe) on the internet, a site I read regularly mentioned this ridiculous thing and I couldn’t believe it was true, so I looked it up and, low and behold, humanity just got a little weirder with the creation of this new piece of technology . . .
(This is another saucy post, so again, the details are under the cut . . .)
It’s a penis pedometer!
According to the site, by having your male mate slip this baby onto his member, you can measure the number of thrusts per sexual encounter.
This is creepy, not just because it’s like a Skip-It for sex, but because:
1) It’s like freakishly pink. If your boyfriend won’t wear the “Salmon” golf shirt you got him for Christmas, he’s not about to strap something that looks like a piece of repurposed Barbie Dream House furniture to his junk.
2) Even though it’s supposed to be a “sex toy” and therefore “fun”, it seems like it is just another way to introduce shame and competition to the act of love making. “15 thrusts, dude? That’s nothing! I could do 45 without breaking a sweat!”
3) It seems like it could be leading up to some sort of uncomfortable female version. C’Mon leadies – it’s the Kegel Kounter!
Anyway, if anyone out there has tried this and actually enjoyed it, feel free to contradict me, but for the time being, I remain confused and completely turned off.
(Also random thought – when whoever was developing this genius idea was working on it, do you think they had conversations with their family about it? “Yeah, we lost two test subjects today in a vagina fire. It was awful.”)