Last night on my way home on the subway, this weird looking dude and his wife got on a station after mine.
The dude was a nebbish looking little guy and the woman was mute and kind of looked like a mail order bride. (Seriously, from the way the guy looked, it was all very “Porny McWackerson Takes A Wife“).
They were both carrying bags containing an insane number of Delissio Pizzas and were eating very crumbly cookies, the crumbles of which they proceeded to spill all over me and my bag. So I could tell that there was something crazy about them before they even sat down.
Anyway, my suspicions of their weirdness were confirmed when they took seats on benches across the aisle from each other and the dude began one of the weirdest rants I have ever heard. About bread.
For reasons I still do not understand, bread or the bread market had hurt him in some way, and he proceeded to spent like ten minutes raving about the high price of bread, before switching topics to rant about how bread makers had done him wrong with their stupid websites trying to charge him money for a decent bread recipe! And of course keep in mind he’s yelling. Complete with obscenities. In the middle of a crowded subway car. In rush hour. About bread*.
By the time I finally made my escape, he seemed to have calmed down, but the whole thing was very bizarre. I guess hell has no fury like a man scorned by wheat. Look out dinner rolls! You’re Enemy Number One now! 😛
*I made Boy promise that, no matter how old and crazy we get, we never have a fight about the cost of bread and he agreed without question. Which is why I love my husband.