Every morning on my way to work, as I walk along the underground, I pass by an American Apparel store. Now I know some people swear by their t-shirts and whatnot, but frankly, their stuff kind of creeps me out and I do not get their trends AT ALL.
Okay so first, they wanted me to be a slutty jazzercise instructor . . .
What is this woman doing with her hand, or do I want to know?
Note to model: No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to look coy in neon yellow spandex.
Then they generally wanted me to look like an extra in Breakin’ 2: Electric Bugaloo . . .
She’s street! Probably Elm or Maple, but they’re still streets!
Now you know what happened to the fabric that was once your older brother’s Hammer pants.
And now . . .?
Is the new trend for Spring 2009 “Pants are for squares”? Because while I can appreciate that it would probably take less time to get ready in the morning, I don’t really want to give up covering my ass, especially in this climate.
So to the people over at American Apparel, I beg of you, please let us girls have some pants! We need them! And oh, while you’re at it, if you can quit it with those creepy underage-looking girl doing porn ads, I’d totally appreciate it. It’s all just a little “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again” for me, thanks.
This girl is trapped in a basement somewhere, I just know it.