The building that I work in is like 50 years old. The windows are old and creaky, the elevator is a crazy lurching mess and the heaters rattle with the sounds of water when winter comes and we have to turn them on. So, as you can imagine, things break down on a semi-regular basis.
Anyway, today for reasons I do not understand (in this case, plumbing reasons), the bathroom on the floor I work on was out of service so they posted a sign instructing all of us to go down one floor if we needed to use the facilities. I was thinking I could wait until the situation was resolved but nature called, so down the creepy concrete stairwell I went to the floor below to take care of business.
Now, because of the way the building is designed, each floor pretty much mirrors the one below or above it, but for some reason, and I know it will sound crazy when I say this, but when I went down below ours, it looked exactly the same but not quite. And in like a vaguely creepy way, like I was walking into someone’s Twin Peaksian dream and that as I walked into the bathroom, I would turn the corner to find a midget speaking backwards-forwards and dancing in a dark room*.
I don’t think I have ever peed so fast in my life.
*Anytime anyone brings up the topic of midgets or dwarfs, I can’t help but think of Peter Dinklage in Living in Oblivion ranting about being cast in a dream sequence.
“Have you ever had a dream with a dwarf in it? Do you know anyone who’s had a dream with a dwarf in it? No! I don’t even have dreams with dwarves in them! The only place I’ve seen dwarves in dreams is in stupid movies like this! “Oh make it weird, put a dwarf in it!”. Everyone will go “Woah, this must be a f*ckin’ dream, there’s a f*ckin’ dwarf in it!”. Well I’m sick of it! You can take this dream sequence and stick it up your ass!”
Makes me laugh everytime.